Disorder In Court 


Things actually said in courts of law 

Q: What is your date of birth? 
A: July fifteenth. 
Q: What year? 
A: Every year. 

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the crash impact? 
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all? 
A: Yes. 
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
A: I forget. 
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten? 

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
A: Oral 

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
Q: How long has he lived with you? 
A: Forty-five years. 


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? 
A: He said, 'where am I, Cathy?' 
Q: And why did that upset you? 
A: My name is Susan. 

Q: And where was the location of the accident? 
A: Approximately milepost 499. 
Q: And where is milepost 499? 
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. 

Q: Sir, what is your IQ? 
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. 


Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? 
A: After the accident? 
Q: Before the accident. 
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. 


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult? 
A: We both do it. 
Q: Voodoo? 
A: We do. 
Q: You do? 
A: Yes, voodoo. 

Q: Trooper, when we stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? 
A: Yes. 
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? 
A: Yes, sir. 
Q: What did she say? 
A: What disco am I at? 

* Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers journal, the following are questions actually asked by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: 

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? 

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? 

Q: Did he kill you? 

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? 

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? 

Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
A: Yes. 
Q: And what were you doing at the time? 

Q: She had three children, right? 
A: Yes. 
Q: How many were boys? 
A: None. 
Q: Were there any girls? 

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? 
A: Yes. 
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 

Q: Mr Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? 
A: I went to Europe, sir. 
Q: And you took your new wife? 

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? 
A: By death. 
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm. 
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time? 
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
A: No. 
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 
A: No. 
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
A: